this,  is  for  you.

this simple heartbeat

   which few others hear---

this heart which throbs & pounds

   e n d l e s s l y

   in diurnal-nocturnal cadence,

p u l s a t i n g  my subtle body,

   manifesting this form

   through which I experience

   the world.

it is my avatar (whose message I often neglect)

   that rejoins me to this sacred moment

   & affirms my being 

   within natural order.

withholding, i labor sluggish breath

   uncertain to reach towards life,

   clinging to uncertainties and self-doubt

   ---hurt,   regretful,   fearful  towards

   this most visceral contact

   with this pithy world.

in confidence, aware

   i am the only one here,

   i find a place of forgiveness,

   and i release my self-constraint.

Heaven's breath  fills me,

   opening and  renewing

   my joy,  my experience.

b r e a t h  swirls inward

   mixing with heart-blood

   & nourishes my

   worn body and wounded spirit.

as tethered, frustrated emotions

            u n r  a  v   e    l  .   .    .

Heaven  finds........me.

bashful,

   i hide behind modesty

   betraying this original communion.

though when i meet like mind, like spirit,

   this silent-manifest presence

   replaces mixed-apprehensions.

recognizing myself,

   conjoined, complicit;

   independent, confident,

i find i-needn't-be-concerned-about-finding-anything.

i am no longer afraid to love, to live,

   to give completely,

   free of self & other.

no  i ,   no  you,

only simple love,

all ready,   all ready,

h e r e.

i slip,  
    spilling
        past
    wanderings
 of  mind
 
n o t h i n g
  of substance
     to  dwell
upon

i'm missed
   by  this   
net of place & being 

then
    she catches me,
each other
    held, 
        drawn-up
s t i l l e d.

why? do we do this?
        for love...?

       for  b l i s s.

pulling at the string

the knot loosening...

all else then unravelled.

the tie undone,

my life spilled out

few are inspired by beauty,
for many, blinded by anger,
everything is ugly

what was this

 fear and apprehension for life lived beyond
my immediate young adult life,
    a life so already filled with troubled circumstances?

with aching heart,

i patiently, frustratingly, waited as time passed...
to survive the hardship and barren landscape
in hopes that in later years,
  i may have the strength and clarity to reclaim those lost years....

i found that nothing new comes in years....
but by finding my path and reclaiming my life,
meeting circumstance with acceptance,
with selflessness.... held in the glow of love & self forgiveness
I continually become someone new
as love embraces every moment
as this portrait of a life is held
beyond simple understanding

I slept and dreamt that life was joy.
I awoke and saw that life was service.
I acted and behold,
      SERVICE was JOY.

~ Rabindranath Tagore ~

i take up earth

& shape into image

what these hands

are afraid to touch.

braving through this act of god.

i give form to desire

through mixed creation

of love and longing.

but this affair

meagerly suffices

for what my spirit needs.

i stare into this raw form

and ask who is this other?

i answer, myself.

i am ashamed

to recognize this?

i'm standing up

a homeless man outside the museum of the living artist
raised his box of crackerjacks to me and asked,
"are you famous yet?"